Say three Hail Marys and call me in the morning. It’s a cure all, right? Just like a doctor prescribes medicine to help you heal, the priest prescribes prayers to help you heal. Okay wait… Yes, this is about religion, but it has nothing to do with bashing religion. It’s how my faith, turned to faith.
Cause I gotta have faith, faith, faith.
Seriously though, if you’re going to be sensitive about the religious tone of the post, just back away and go grab your rosary and pray for my soul.
I was brought up Catholic. From a young age I remember going to church and singing to high heaven. I tell people to this day “We were so religious, we had a nun in the family.” Ohhhh! Because that makes us super Catholics, right? It sounds like a “Yo’ mama” joke. “Yo, we so religious, we washed each other’s feet before dinner.” Okay… that just made me cringe a bit. You know why? CATHOLIC GUILT.
It’s a real thing folks. Sometimes I say stuff like: “If a Home Depot class had been taken, the nails wouldn’t have ended up there.” And even as I JUST typed that, I am waiting for the long arm of the lord to come down and slap me.
My friend Karen and I were on a tear once when we were returning from a sin-filled trip to Montreal. Somehow we started joking about opening a Catholic mini putt-putt.
At all of the holes there would be pews so you could sit. One of the holes would have water on both sides of a narrow path and you had to hit the ball down that narrow passage way to Mount Sinai. Think of Moses parting the Red Sea.
My favorite hole is the last one. You have a hill and in front of the hill is a big rock. You have to hit the ball into a little hole between the rock and hill, and when you do, the rock rolls away and Jesus comes out and says “I have risen!”
Karen and I were dying of laughter as we talked about the other holes and then you could see the guilt kick in on her face. She paused and said something along the lines of “We shouldn’t be laughing at this.” We never did get to plan out our other holes, but I will always have the grand finale of a hole, embedded into my head.
Anyway, I stepped away from the Catholic religion after my grandmother passed away. She was a saint in my eyes and was really like a mom to me. I only enjoyed church because of the time we spent there, and I was eager to go to the nunnery to visit her sister because I was with her. Any joy involving religion left with her that day when she climbed the stairway to heaven.
When I was planning my wedding, I was determined to get married in my family’s church because of her. I thought she would be there with me, filled with pride and joy. My fiance humored me and went through the classes so we could get married in the church. I will never forget his face when the priest told him that we have sex to procreate. The side eye he gave me was incredible and my glare of “Fuck this up and I will destroy you” was shot back. We passed “the test” and were married there, with my angelic grandmother looking down on us.
On the 7th day we procreated. Kidding! Not that fast! But we did have our first daughter and that is when I really pushed against the Catholic faith.
Immediately after the birth, people were asking who the god parents would be for the baptism. Some even offered. It is like it is a competition, and people just want to WIN. The husband and I knew who we wanted to ask, but we also knew who would be offended. I decided to ignore the whole situation and forego any drama. I ignored it after the second and third child too.
That’s right… I have three sin-filled daughters running around in the world. But seriously, not only did I have a hard time not wanting to offend anyone, I couldn’t really wrap my mind around how sweet, precious babies could be filled with sin. I just couldn’t grasp it and fully pushed every remaining piece of Catholic faith away. It just didn’t fit anymore.
Please know that I never looked down on someone for their religion or beliefs. I even believe that all religions have interesting parts to them, but none really click for me. Have your faith, do your thang. Don’t knock on my door, don’t quote psalms to me, and stop throwing holy water on me!
As my journey proceeded, I became involved in Reiki, learned about Buddhism, and more Eastern beliefs. What I kept seeing as common thread, was the word faith. It made me recoil as it reminded me of the Catholic religion and dammit Janet! That just wasn’t aligning with me!
At one point in my life, I was in a pretty bad space. Life was just shit and I was tired of crap when I had been working so hard to improve myself and my attitude. As I was driving home one day, I was processing how miserable I was and I was seriously pretty bitter. Now, I talk out loud to myself when I drive. I was in tears that day and literally said, “What in the hell am I going to do? Can I catch a break? What do I have to do to make this shit better??” I kid you not as I tell you that “Faith” by George Micheal came on the radio.
Now I know you are probably like “Big deal! It’s a song and you were playing the radio.” No. Faith came out in 1987 and it was 2015. This is not a coincidence. It is divine intervention.
Suddenly I was struck with the fact that Faith was not religious. It was about having a strong trust in something. On another note… It was also George Michael’s number one hit according to Billboard. Seriously! https://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/chart-beat/7633298/george-michael-biggest-hits
This realization was a game changer for me. I spoke to my Reiki clients about faith, had faith in my path, and that life was going to work out. Why? I don’t know but I had faith! It really is a state of mind for me. It was a rebirth. Life was more sunny and filled with ease. With a new definition of faith, I knew I didn’t need to have a specific religion to believe in and I didn’t need to have a nun in the family to get me into heaven.
Maybe I’m TOTALLY wrong, but I’m good with not committing to a certain religion. I’m good with being spiritual over religious. Deepak Chopra crawled into my head with his quote:
If I’m totally wrong, so be it. I just hope when I get out of that hand basket in hell, Brendon Urie is standing there. (He is often referred to as Satan, turned into one during one of his videos, AND he doesn’t seem to age.)