Bad Mom, Silver Linings, What's in my head?

Let’s Have Kids! It’ll be Fun!

Whenever my kids kick in to “Miserable Teen Mode” I can be heard muttering, “Let’s have kids! It’ll be fun!” I could be in a crowd of people saying this or sitting alone in my car. It doesn’t matter since it’s my way of coping with their crap.

My teen daughters have a sweet side. They are often thoughtful and appreciative. But lately, they are demon spawn. Is there something in the air? Is it a moon phase? Think about three teen girls in ONE house! It’s as horrifying as it sounds!

A Typical Morning

I get up between 5:30 – 6:00 a.m. Noelle and Grace have to catch the bus at 7:30. I hear alarms beginning at 6:30ish. At 6:45 I will hear tired call-outs.

“Grace. Wake up.”

“I’m up.”

Five minutes later

“Grace! Wake up!”

No reply comes so the tired call-out becomes high-pitched screams:

“GRACE! WAKE UP!”

“SHUT UP NOELLE! I’M AWAKE!”

Now… during this entire time of yelling out to her sister, Noelle is sitting in bed going through Snapchat and Instagram. How do I know? I stalk her.

They still have to get washed up, get dressed, brush their hair and teeth, feed the animals and take the dog out for a walk.

At 7 a.m. is when I kick in with the countdown.

“GUYS! It’s 7 and you have to get down here!”

“Yup” is the collective reply.

7:05 a.m.

“GUYS! GET DOWN HERE NOW OR PHONES GO TO WORK WITH ME!”

Finally, I hear feet running above me and the frantic yelling back and forth.

“Grace! Hurry up! I have to brush my teeth!”

“Shut up Noelle! I’m almost done!”

“GRACE!”

“NOELLE!”

“SHUT UP!”

This is where I really hit my max and it’s now 7:10 a.m. I have already whispered WTF to myself numerous times and contemplated ripping the internet out of the wall.

“GUYS! I swear to god I’m going to throat punch both of you! Get down here NOW!”

By 7:20 a.m. they run down, walk the dog for a quick 5 minutes, and then run out the door to the bus.

UPDATE: **Currently, due to their bad morning habits, all phones “have a sleepover” in my room.**

Then there are days that I have to work Haley into the equation and I will wake her up at 6:30 a.m. and she sits on her phone while laying in bed so I have to take a new approach…

Appliances Tweeting Teen

 

More Appliance Teen Tweets

 

It gets their attention, right? Well… only Noelle and Grace’s attention so I have to do another message.

Retweet to Teen

 

FINALLY! The child has risen from the dead! I have decided I want to start a Twitter account for my house, so it can tweet the kids to get things done. At least I know my kids will see the messages!

Other Messages

Even with their rough side, we do have some pretty amusing messages throughout the day. Like the time Haley had her first Uber driver.

Deaf Uber Driver

 

Or the time Haley asked me if she could work an extra shift and the other two chimed in while they are in class. (Truly, the amusing part is Haley at the end.)

Text about working

 

Let’s add some text messages during one of the many times I brought Noelle to the emergency room.

Hospital Text

 

Another hospital text

Another hospital trip…

Hospital Trip 2

 

Hospital Trip, Text 2

 

And let’s not forget how our cats add to our day by trying to steal drugs!

Damn Cats

 

So while there are days I mutter “Let’s have kids! It’ll be fun!” or “Deliver me from evil!”, they bring a shit ton of amusement to my life. They are truly a bunch of boneheads and I love them to pieces. No matter how bad they can kick off the day, the rest of the day brings silly messages that seem to bring that silverish lining to my life.

 

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4 thoughts on “Let’s Have Kids! It’ll be Fun!

  1. OMG! You lost me at throat punching. my stomach hurts now in the best way and I needed this in the worst way. 🤪❤

    1. I’m glad it brought a laugh! Teenagers are precious gifts and sometimes I feel like regifting them!

  2. Hysterical! May I suggest a back up alarm I learned from my brother? Yes the largest metal pot and wooden spoon you have and walk through the house (or better yet right in their room)running the spoon at a high rate of speed inside the pot banging on the sides! You will be amazed how fast teenagers sit up straight in their beds! Hahaha! Ask Julia!

    1. HA HA! I would love to do that but I doubt they will move. I’ve tried dumping water on them before.

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