The C Word

Cocktail Time – My First Day of Chemo

I’m beginning this post the night before my first chemo session. Or as I prefer to call it: Cocktail Time! It sounds like more fun than chemo.

How am I doing? I’m fine. But my friend Dineen tells me that “fine” stands for: Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. I admit that I’m a bit fucked up, and have been for years. I’m not insecure or neurotic. I’m not emotional.

For those that don’t know, I’m a girl with a pretty bad ass exterior.  I stay calm, cool and collected in moments of stress. I pride myself on being strong like a lion. When I am weak, I talk myself through with a suck it up attitude. Then suddenly I had a moment when my exterior was slipping.

Last week I was suddenly anxious and emotional about chemo. Why? I have no clue. Perhaps emotions had built up in me. So, I reached out to a friend who tends to snap me out of silly emotions with his sensibility and cut the crap attitude. When I explained that I was a bit out of control and so nervous, he was nice and sweet. He listened to me and gave me gentle feedback. WHAT THE HELL? That’s NOT what I wanted! I wanted him to say “Cut the shit Heather! Since when did you become a weak-ass?” But it never came.

I told him that I hadn’t told many people about what was going on. I don’t want it to become a “thing” or for it to define me. He told me that I needed to get the word out and let everyone help me through this. I needed to swallow my pride and to let friends do what they do. I guess it resonated with me because here I am, sharing with everyone. That is, If you choose to read this.

I’ll update this post tomorrow, with what I hope are tales of what it’s like to have five hours of nonstop cocktails. My fingers are crossed that it involves strippers like cocktails did back in the day!

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12 thoughts on “Cocktail Time – My First Day of Chemo

  1. Thank you for opening up! Sometimes being a bad ass is letting others love you to pieces!! BTW, the “C” word will never define you! XOC

  2. I had no idea Heather! I’m sorry I know you are super strong positive and don’t show weakness but please know we all are thinking of you xo

  3. Keep in touch with your Spiritual support never loose sight of it !!! Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally! Love the beautiful women that you are ! Believe and never give up hope!

  4. How’d it go??? Maybe when You are all done we need to have some strippers and your future LOL hugs to you and remember sharing your story and being a little nervous about the unknown doesn’t make you weak it makes you human

  5. Love how you are going to blog about your journey. As a old drinking companion, I personally know you are a very strong person and you got this. Like your friend said, lean on your friends.

  6. Attitude is everything, when you go to your appointment don’t be sour, say hi to everyone,know that you are not going to let this beat you. You will be put in a room with tv, lay there and watch some tv. Positive attitude, sleep helps, the more you sleep the faster you get through this, when your not sleeping get up and do something walk, get outside, stay busy, just don’t dwell on this.

  7. You are bad ass and always will be. My wish is for every positive vibe, thoughtful word, heartfelt support and gentle nudges that you have put out to those around you comes back ten fold to you. Knowing you are out there in the world, even though not quite as close (not so subtle hint) gives comfort and smiles. You’ve got this and we’ve all got you. ❤

  8. Omg this is awesome. I love every word… please keep posting I will continue to watch read and listen and of course I’m always here. And of course up for a trip to Boston….

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